Self-control is an interesting topic, one that I have many different relationships with.  Each time I see I try to make this concept or belief system to be the one, this is it, I now have the answer, the irony here is that’s control.  But really, what I am becoming so much more comfortable with is, I don’t know.

I see that, when I try to live in an idea of everything is happening in its own order, there is a sense of releasing responsibility but is that just because it is easier, I can avoid having to make difficult decisions? On the flipside, I can see that when I try to control things strongly, this also creates its own suffering.

“I don’t know” has immense freedom within it.  It doesn’t mean I am passive or using it not to try but I am OK showing up and no longer needing to know, needing to be right, to sound clever, to have the answer.  What I know is that I make the effort to do something, to write this, can I control if anyone reads it, wants to read it, appreciate it?  I can do certain things to help it, but I can’t know how it will evolve. The idea that I can control it, is tied into a fixed idea and it is complete with the bumps of suffering.