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Freedom lies through my human incarnation not in spite of it

It’s a interesting idea, I am enough? What does that really mean, I am enough? When I look closely, I can see that being enough is tied quite closely into what I think enough looks like, how for me to have my needs of love, acceptance and validation to be met.

When I explore this further, I can see that, as a child, I learnt early on that to feel loved, safe, I needed to look, behave in a certain way. I f I didn’t show up in this way, I experienced shame around those parts of me and they were stored away in an area where people couldn’t see them and so I learnt that parts of me were flawed and they stopped me being loved, validated and accepted.

So, along comes fear of our flaws being seen and the discomfort or loss that may come from that. This becomes a dance that we do on a daily basis, moment to moment, showing our parts that have been proven to be successful in need meeting and hiding the parts that are dangerous to our needs being meet.

So, for me, being enough has started with that journey inside to be with the parts of me that I have discomfort around or somehow feel that they are wrong. Shame, guilt, anger, jealousy, vulnerability, insecurity, they are not the things I want to be seen. But how can I ever feel enough if I cannot be with the discomfort within me? The I am Enough is a phrase I can plaster on my discomfort but, without actually knowing these parts of me, the plaster falls off at the next vulnerable moment.

Showing myself kindness to my human condition, to know these parts of me are just that parts, not the whole. The whole is something else that it is all belonging to. That these ideas about myself may not be fully true? These beliefs around this idea of me may not be as solid as I think it is. When I open myself to the possibility of there being more than one view, I allow space to come into my tight experience of being human.

So, being enough, how is that really graded? Does that not change, based on perception of good or bad? What if I don’t perceive in good or bad but just in this experience? If I can live the experience as it is as opposed to how I think it is what other possibilities are here?

This is also a dance –  in some moments, I can be in this open way with being enough with my perceived good and bad parts and, other times, I am hiding deep behind them hoping not to be seen, and that is being human. What I am growing into more and more, is a tenderness and appreciation of this humanness and the more tender I can be to my dance with being enough, the more I can accept the relationships around me and their dance with being enough!

As Ram Dass puts it so beautifully “it’s like taking off a tight shoe”

Aileen xx

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